me and my expo

As I sit on a couch, eating my curly tops and expo, I suddenly realized that I've been stressed out these past few days. Come to think of it, I couldn't remember when I last have a quiet time for myself. I've been very busy these days that I didn't even have time to spend for myself. Aside from getting ready for work, my only time for myself is when I get home watch a little, and sleep.

Looking at the dogs [procopio and lulu] sleeping, I felt that I also need to sleep at this time. I want to, but I can't. There are a lot of things that are running around my head. Things that make me feel awake. I don't think I can remove them from my head.

I bit part of my chocolate while reminiscing the things I've done in the past. Things that I decided to forget, but keep on knocking on my head. Suddenly, I smiled remembering one situation that happened before. Now I know that true happiness is not about big laughs or tears of joy. It's about a simple smile whenever you remember someone who made your life simply and completely happy.

Doing things alone makes me feel independent, but I never realized that there are a lot of people around me who are ready to help. Now I know I should appreciate and thank those people who are always there for me. I never thought that this would happen but I'm glad they are with me.

I couldn't imagine myself without those people who's been my outlet to release the bad vibes inside and blocking my heart to breathe.

I know that life never seems to be the way we want it, but we live the best way we can and we can fill it with perfect moments with our love ones.

Thirty minutes had passed and I felt relaxed. I had the best quiet moment for myself. Hoping to have this time again.

nobody knows

Nobody knows.  Nobody knows, but me, as the song says.  Yes, nobody knows, but me.  The things I want, what I feel right now or what is really inside of me.  Some people think, I’m weird.  Some people say, I’m serious. Some people believe that I’m different.  A lot of people judge me by my appearance or even by the things that I do.  Just because I sometimes sit quietly by myself on a bench away from the others, they would say that I’m serious?  Just because I enjoy going to some places alone, they would say that I’m weird?  Just because I sometimes stop and don’t want to talk to anyone, they would say that I’m different?  There were times that I couldn’t understand anymore.  People are judging others by just looking at them.

Who knows who these people really are?  Who knows who I really am?  Nobody knows, but ME.  I am the only person who can say who I am.  People say I’m weird, but they wouldn’t know why.  They can say that I’m serious,  but they wouldn’t know why.  They can say that I’m different, but I think  every person in this world is different.

There are a lot of things I’ve experienced that made me who I am.  Good or bad experiences made me ME.  Maybe those things made me think a lot about life.  They even gave me ideas why I became like this.  I should say that life is really complicated.  My life is like that.  What I do and the people around me make it complicated.  I actually want to have an easy and simple life, but the people around me are making it very hard for me to have it.  What I sometimes do is to go in the flow and let everything pass.  But still, I have to face the truth.  I cannot avoid having problems.  Everyone has problems, not only you, but also me.  As time goes by, I can handle things on my own.  I sometimes avoid asking for others’ help cause I know that I am not the only person who has.  I just think that others have bigger than mine.  It’s actually a crazy idea, but it really helps.  It helps me to be strong and face everything.

 

With all the things happening in my life now, I’m still thankful to those people who never left me.  In times like this, it’s really comforting to have people who say, “I’m just here.”  It really makes me happy.  Still, I know that I have people to count on.  In return, I also tell them that I’m just here.  Maybe there are people that I consider my close friends aside from my pen and my paper, whom I can trust and tell what I feel, but it’s still me who will decide.  I’m still the one who has the last say about what’s happening in my life.  They may know why I’m acting strange, but they wouldn’t know the real reason why.  They know why I’m eating ice cream, but sometimes I don’t tell the reason why.  They just wait patiently for me to open it up to them.  That’s what I love about them.  For sure, they really are good friends.  They know who I am, but not everything that I feel and I prefer to be like this.

 

So who knows the real me?  Nobody knows, but ME.